wolf, and a little something extra

One thing that I know is that I don’t remember growing up and hating my body. When I say this, I mean all the way through adolescence and most of high school. Sure, there were spurts of time where I would start to feel self-conscious about something here or there, but I never thought about it.
First let me paint you a picture. Growing up, I wasn’t exactly the smallest girl on the playground, but I didn’t have too much baby fat either. My thighs, calves and butt had some…substance to them. I was a happy kid, however; shy but happy. In high school, I was never one to “flaunt my stuff,” but I never developed the body issues. At least not yet.
It wasn’t until later in my high school career, after a couple of devastating romantic blows and some back handed remarks from people close to me, the resolve that was held in my mind started to crumble around me.
Suddenly, the dark brown hair that fell to my shoulders, that I sometimes cut to fun shorter lengths was no longer cute – it needed to be red, or blonde…hell, even blue. I became obsessed with tanning; my pale, clear skin was no longer good enough. Never bothering with makeup before, I began heavily painting my eyes with black eyeliner and other colors. I even became so obsessed with my image that I started smoking.
But the biggest effect this shift had on me was the attention I paid to my weight. I was no longer satisfied with the little extra bits of me there was to love. That is when the unhealthy behavior started. So, on top of the fact that my wild streak was just starting to take off, my brain decided to throw in this fun side issues in the form of binge eating and a small case of anorexia.
I would go through fluctuating periods of not eating and eating way too much – and when I was eating, it was nothing but junk. I was constantly smoking cigarettes to keep away the food cravings. I wasn’t even exercising, however. I spent most nights partying, so the strain on my body continued to pile up. And this was only the beginning of the troubles.

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